I
miss you. I miss your love.
The way you made me know life was going to be
okay.
I miss you even though I know you don't miss
me.
I
love you even though you don't love me.
Our
relationship mattered to me. Your love mattered to me. Because in my life you
mattered to me.
And
even though you've succeeded at forgetting me, I will never forget you.
I
carry you around in my heart and I will always do that. Even though you really
don't deserve to be there, I can't pluck you out.
In
my heart you're safe and you're warm and you're a success and you're loved.
I
know that it will kill me forever, for you to be there. But there you will
stay.
I
know that just because I love you, doesn't mean you have to love me.
I
am sorry I wasn't enough for you to pick me.
I'm
sorry you swept me up in the most convincing lie that you loved me.
I'm
sorry I can't move on as easily as you have.
It
will never turn to hate because that's not me. I won't become bitter and cold.
I won't become full of hate and anger. I love.
That's who I am.
And it's okay that you don't feel that way.
It's okay that you walked away.
But
I will not hate you. I will not forget you.
You
brought me too much happiness, to ever try to put you in a box and forget
about.
But
that's okay too.
And
I know I'll always bleed inside. And that it will hurt through my day and
nights.
And
maybe one day soon when I've paid off my debts and I leave, maybe you'll find a
whisper of a moment when you remember something I said or did that made you
feel complete.
I
love you. And that's okay too.
11-12-12
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